Where I lack confidence

I would usually consider myself a fairly confident person.  Yes, I have a few insecurities, but I over the years I have come to know who God has made me to be.  I believe He has given me gifts/talents that I am to use for Him, and although I am continually refining those gifts, I am pretty confident in the fact that He does not give bad gifts.

But…. I have almost no confidence in this area:  song writing.

Whenever I write something it goes through the “Becca filter” of “would I listen to this on the radio or would I change the station?”  “Would I like this song if I heard it in church?”  And the answer is usually… no. 

This is a hard one for me.  I am learning, however, that most song writers rarely do it all, start to finish, by themselves.

This is why I have Eddie Culin.  He is nice enough to let me sheepishly bring him my scraps and amazingly turns it into something that will actually get stuck in my head.  (In a good way).

I don’t, and at this point- can’t do this on my own.  I am definately being stretched.

Lord, give me confidence to keep moving.

More productive what?

So in the midst of trying to get over my ‘still here’ illness, I naturally went to the store to get myself some meds.

I need something to help me get over my cough.

I know this is what I need, but it just sounds nasty. 

“Helps get rid of bothersome mucus and makes coughs more productive.”

More productive?  So you’re saying this will help me cough up all the green stuff that is sitting in my chest? 

Sick. 

Did you know that the human body produces enough mucus in one lifetime to fill up 8 olympic size swimming pools? 

Yay for nasty trivia.

As domesticatively creative as I get

Today is St. Patrick’s Day.  We are going over to our friend’s house to hang out and catch up on our 24 episodes. 

My friend Lindy is making corned beef and cabbage.  She asked me to bring desert. 

So I ask myself….what desert is St. Patrick’s Dayee?

Even though it wasn’t hard, I was still proud of myself for making my own green frosting, and…. I am normally not a baker. 

So… here it is.  To some of you, this may be less than nothing.  To me, I feel like I can walk into their house with my head held high.

Sick of being sick

I have never been sick for this long.  I have been hearing that lots of people have been getting the same thing.  The cough that just lingers.  Moves from the chest to the sinuses and back down again.

I think its been 3 weeks now.    Of course, its not enough to keep me home.  Just enough to make me frustrated.

Every time I cough I wonder what damage is being done to my vocal chords.  I just want to be over it.

Ah, communication

Here’s how our conversation went:

Andrew:  “Babe, we have some errands to run, I just don’t know if I want to work on my message for Sunday now and go later, or go run errands now and work on my message later.”

Me:  “I am willing to do whatever.  I just want to take a shower first.”

Andrew:  “Thats fine.  Go shower.”

So, I go take a shower.  I take my time.  Hot shower felt good.

I get out.  Me:  (from the top of the stairs)  “Honey, are you working on your message now?  Should I hurry and get ready or….”

Andrew:  “I’m working.  Don’t bother me right now.  Do whatever you want.  I will tell you when I need you.”

I interpret that as…. “do whatever I want.”  And what I want is to put on sweats and sit on the couch and look at coupons.  30 minutes go by.

Andrew:  “Are you ready to go?”

Me:  “No.  I’m sitting on the couch with wet hair.”

Andrew:  “Why are you not ready? I told you I wanted to go run errands.”

Me:  “The last thing you told me was that I could do whatever I wanted and you would tell me when you needed me.”

Andrew:  “But why would you disregard our previous conversation?  I told you that I would tell you when I needed you.”

Me:  “Right.  You would let me know.”

Andrew:  “I thought you would be ready.”

Me: “Why would I be ready?  I thought I could do whatever I wanted.”

Andrew: “But I expected that when I would tell you I needed you, you would be ready.”

Is it just me, or was this confusing to you too? 

He is under some pressure.  I understand this, so I hurry to get ready after that conversation.  Now I am really ready for when he needs me.

I am still sitting on the couch.

Balancing Technology

I don’t balance my technology options very well.  I have my blog, which I try to keep up on fairly regularly, but thats pretty much it.

When I first got a facebook account I was all about it.  Now if I check my page once every two weeks I’m doing good.  It got too overwhelming.

I don’t have a twitter account.

Sometimes I feel out of the technology loop.  It is so hard to keep up with.

What technology loops are you in?

My Voice

Could I get some extra prayer? 

I don’t normally get sick, but I did this week.  Last Saturday I started coughing and it hasn’t stopped.  My voice is just now starting to come back but is still not 100%

Leading on Sunday.  If I could get some help praying, that would be awesome.  I kinda need my voice for the job.

THANKS!

Pinked

Everytime anyone asks me about my job security, I always tell them that “I am fine.  There are teachers who have been hired after me, I am the department chair, I teach science. I am fine.”

I don’t say that anymore.

Yesterday I got called into my principal’s office and I found out that I am getting a pink slip.  This means that Riverside Unified is telling me that I ‘may or may not’ have a job next year.  They are supposed to let me know for sure by May 15th. 

I am not too worried because I am at the top of the list to get reinstated, but it still sucks.  There are no guarantees.

I am just so sad over what is happening to our school system.  Out of 40 teachers at our school, 17 of them are getting pink slipped.  What do they expect is going to happen to these kids? 

We are short on money, so lets cut $17 million out of our school system, and lower the prospect of success for our future leaders so there is even less money in circulation for our economy. 

Yeah, that makes sense. 

Please pray.  Not only for my job, but countless other teachers who do not have the hope of getting their job back.

I’m ashamed to say…

I have gotten into The Bachelor.  Yes.  I know its so lame.  1 guy kissing all these girls. 

Shameless.

But I can’t look away.

Check this out

I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed at work.  A lot of jobs have been pushed back because they have fit into the “important but not urgent” category. 

Nonetheless, these things have been hanging over my head.  So… I finally got it out of my head and made a list.  I don’t know why I didn’t do this first, but it really helped.

But today, I realized that I got all but one crossed off!

Doesn’t crossing things off make you feel so accomplished? 

I love it.