Archive | September, 2010

Prego Journey Update

21 Sep

So here is my very raw update on this whole non-prego journey. 

I had to take a few months off from going to the doctor because I was gone a lot during the summer, which was fine with me.  The break was nice.  I am not liking the doctor visists so much.  But during this time, I had thoughts of “God is making this break possible because I am going to get pregnant during these 2 months off so that He can prove that it is His doing, not a doctors.  Yeah, thats the reason why He has worked all this out.”

But I am figuring out that the more I try to plan what I think God is going to do, the more He shows me that His ways are not my ways.  I don’t always like that. 

So once September hit (and I realized I was still not pregnant), I decided to go back to Kaiser and this time, do everything they told me to do.  Clomid at the beginning of the month (I am thankful that I am not really experiencing any side effects), and a shot of HCG to time the release of my eggs.

Oh, the shot.  The day I had to give myself the shot, I was at the Women of Faith conference with the other pastor’s wives.  In our hotel room, they were great, held my hand and cheered me on while I gave myself the injection (having never done this before, it can be pretty intimidating).

Lets just say that I was a pretty good emotional wreck that day.  Between my hightened hormone levels and the amazing women at the conference sharing their own stories of tragedy and redemption, Natalie Grant singing the song “Held,”  and good friends praying for me, I felt very loved but still pretty sad.

Here is what I was able to articulate in my mind:  I feel loved and supported, but at the same time, I feel alone.  At this time in my life, I know no one who is still walking this journey.  I know people who have walked through it but whose infertility journey has come to an end.  There is one thing I am becoming increasingly aware of:  there is a mom-club that I am not a part of.  There are conversations and life changes that I do not fit into.  This part is difficult.

Andrew and I keep using the word “when” we have kids, not “if” we have kids.  There is still hope, not in my doctor or my ability to track my fertility, but in the love my God has for us, in His sovereign plan, in His strong hands to hold.

There is still hope.

I finished

20 Sep

I finished reading ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns.’  Probably one of the best novels I have ever read.

Although the characters are fictional, the accuracy of the history and rawness of Afghanistan was incredibly eye opening. 

I was in High School when a lot of the things were going down in that country… Soviet Union being broken down, the Taliban taking over Afghanistan… and I didn’t really care about what was going on in other parts of the world.

Andrew once asked me what my “end” to reading books like this is.  My response was that reading books like this expand my world view and gives me compassion for hardship of women and others that are outside of my American bubble.

Please read this book.  Get a glimpse of what it is like to grow up in a war-torn country.  You will never view a middle eastern woman wearning a burqa the same again.  Let God give you an increased compassion for people who are different than you.

Catching Up

19 Sep

So I know I have a lot of catching up to do.  Here is the first of a few blog posts I have had in my head for a while now:

At the beginning of September, Andrew and I celebrated our 7th (7 years… I know!) wedding anniversary by spending a few days at our time share in Big Bear.

(Andrew has the evil eye look in this pic but I thought it was funny enough to post). 

Our first priority was eating breakfast at Grizzly Manor- a hole in the wall place, seats about 25 people, always a line out the door.  Buckwheat blueberry pancakes that are as big as the plate.


One of Andrew’s priorities was that we went on a ‘real hike.’ Not a walk down a path.

So this is me, about ready to fingure out a way to climb up some serious rocks.

Its a good thing I’m tough=)

We made it to the top.

The view of the entire lake was pretty spectacular.

And we did spend some time on the lake on a river boat that took us on a ‘tour of the lake.’ At first I thought, “what’s there to tour?’ but we actually learned a lot.  Plus, I just like being out on the water.

We went out to nice dinner, played some basketball, went in the spa everyday. 

It was pretty great.  Celebrating 7 pretty amazing years.

Here it is

14 Sep

My first post in weeks.  I guess the reason I haven’t posted in awhile is because once I sit down at my computer I feel like there isn’t much to say.

Okay, let me just be real here:  one of the reasons I haven’t blogged is because my camera that has the pictures I want to post is upstairs, and I am downstairs.  And that is not just tonight.  Most nights when I think about blogging, my camera is upstairs.  There, I said it.

I don’t want to go upstairs.  I just sat down; going upstairs is lame.  (I think I used the semi colon appropriately, but I am not quite sure).  

I just got home from a day of using all my energy in an attempt to motivate my students to learn on a Monday when they could give a rats *%@ about being at school, then lead worship at a leader gathering (which was pretty great), and now I am on the couch in my pj’s waiting for my husband to get home. 

So how was your day?