Still Fighting

1 Dec

So the last post I wrote about our “trying to get prego” journey (I think I need a new name for it) was about me choosing to enjoy life now and what is rather than being disapointed in what is not.

And the last few months have been good emotionally.  I have taken our situation more in stride and have chosen to find joy in our current circumstances, relinquishing all control to God.

Then this diet idea came along.  Detox.  Get rid of toxins, hormones that could be built up in my system.  This is a great idea.  I love feeling healthy and I was proud of myself.  Well, I obviously broke it for Thanksgiving and now I am faced with the decision of whether or not I should continue the raw foods detox.

This afternoon I started feeling so anxious about this decision and I finally figured out why:  The diet gave me control.  If I can diet long enough, I can get pregnant.  But on the flipside, if I don’t go back on it, then I am not doing all that I can to get pregnant.  If I don’t keep doing this detox, it is my fault that I won’t see two lines instead of one.

Did you recognize the lies?  Cause it took me awhile. 

Andrew was amazing to help me recognize the lies I was believing and remind me of Truth:  Its not my fault.  I’m not too skinny, I don’t exercise too much, eat too much protein, not enough protein, too many preservatives (all things I have heard).  I don’t think I have that much control.  I don’t think I want it because that only brings me guilt. 

 And when we do get the joy of having kids, I don’t want to be able to say I had anything to do with it.  I want the joy of the miracle God did in our lives.

It is not in my control. 

Does that mean I might have to wait a while longer?  Maybe. 

Oh… waiting.

There has to be a balance.  Of course if there are things we can do, I want to make sure we are doing everything we can.  But I have to remember that it is God’s working, not my own. 

So, to diet or not to diet.  I think it will be moderation for me.

Thanks for letting me share.

2 Responses to “Still Fighting”

  1. Cristine December 1, 2009 at 6:13 p12 #

    I love your willingness to share your heart.

  2. Nicole B. December 1, 2009 at 6:13 p12 #

    I’m so thankful that you and Andrew have identified the Truth in this situation. I believe that as women (even as believers) in this culture we still convince ourselves that there are things we can do to “control” this situation. I’m glad that you’ve been rid of the guilt that comes from that lie. Things will indeed take their course in His timing. Love you!

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