Not the Announcement You’d Expect

5 Oct

So this post is me being very vulnerable with where I am at right now.  Here is the announcement:  I am not pregnant.  Was that wierd?  Let me back up a little bit and tell you about my whole gamet of emotions.

When Andrew and I got married we agreed on the “kids in 5 years” plan.  So far, after celebrating our 5 year anniversary in Sept., we have stuck to that plan very well.  I didn’t ever know how people come to the point where they are ‘ready’ to have kids.  I had always secretly hoped that it would just ‘happen’ so we wouldn’t have to make that decision.  Well, about 5 months ago, I think I came to that place.  But mostly I came to the place where I wanted to stop preventing pregnancy and give total control to God (the whole giving God to control is going to sound like a contradition…. right now)

So Andrew and I started trying to get pregnant (and enjoyed the practice ;). When we did, I genuinely prayed, saying “God I trust you.  I know your timing is better than mine.  I want kids when you want to give us kids.”  But I also asked HIm if He could make it happen this summer.  You see, my husband isn’t exactly climbing the corporate ladder and I, therefore, will have to be a working mom.  As a teacher, it would be PERFECT timing if I could have a baby somewhere around May, early June so that I could take my maternity leave and have the rest of the summer off with my kid.  This is what I wanted.  And since this was my desire and I was chasing after God with everything I had, I hoped He would answer this prayer.

He didn’t.  Just yesterday that very girly indicator that screams “You are not pregnant!!” came.  This month was our last month to still make “our perfect plan” a reality.

I still trust Him.  I still believe He has our best interest in mind.  I just don’t know what it is right now. 

So here’s where we are at:  Andrew and I have now definately decided that we are going to Africa in December.  The hold-up was wondering whether or not I was pregnant, because then I wouldn’t be able to take any malaria or other shots necessary to go East Africa.  Now that I am not, we are putting the baby thing on hold again until after we get back.  Which means trying again in January.  That seems like a long ways away.

I am sad.  But I still believe.

9 Responses to “Not the Announcement You’d Expect”

  1. Angie Funches October 6, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    It will happen when the time is right. Trusting in Him is the right thing to do. BTW: I went to East Africa twice in the last couple years and did not take the maleria meds either time and I am still alive. Probably not smart, but didnt want to have the nightmares that come with them. What more info? Email me!

  2. whittakerwoman October 6, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    Let’s talk Malaria when we see each other… I did not take medicine when I went. I will tell you why… So you could still keep trying! H

  3. michellelloyd October 6, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    I will be praying for you. I have been praying that prayer for over 5 years now, and still trust. Some days are better than others!

  4. Irene October 6, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    I have tears in my eyes after reading this. When we had dinner so LONG ago, I could see in your eyes the desire to have a baby. I remember that desire, and I know what its like to pray to God that he will give you that baby in that certain month so that your life will run exactly as you have planned it. I’m not going to tell you that God’s plan is always better (even though we both know it is) and I won’t tell you not to be dissappointed (because I sure as heck was!) But I’ll pray for you and your heart, and Andrew’s (Scott thought I was going nutso during the trying stages of getting pregnant, now he just knows I’m nuts) and I’ll pray for the people you will touch in Africa. You are such a beautiful person I hope you get the desires of your heart soon.

  5. Lindy Pardee October 6, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    I understand what its like for God to put your plans on hold. I have assumed that every experience related to having a baby is important and makes up the greater story. God is working in the midst of all these things and that is real hope! 🙂

  6. Grace Margain October 6, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    Thanks for sharing Becca. I appreciate your openness.

  7. Haleyeah October 7, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    great post. We had officially stopped trying when we got pregnant so you never know!

  8. Amanda October 10, 2008 at 6:13 p10 #

    Trust me, I wanted a spring baby, not a child with their birthday 2 weeks before Christmas…. but it has been awesome. Christmas is already a special time for me and Dave and now it’s extra special to have Cooper’s brithday in Dec. Saying I trust you God in your heart and telling that to your brain are 2 very different things sometimes!
    We miss you guys.

  9. nrsalley November 3, 2008 at 6:13 p11 #

    Just found your blog, Becca. Your story has touched my heart. You just can’t go wrong when you keep laying it back in His lap. And just think – it might be kinda cool to conceive in Africa!

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